He jerked awake and sat up, clutching his chest as he struggled to catch his breath.
“Welcome, Hero,” a sultry, feminine voice almost whispered to him, her breath tickling his ear.
“Huh? Wha..? Ack! Who are you?” scolded the man. “Get out of my room! It’s not proper for you to be in here! Out!”
“Oh, Hero, I’m so sorry. Truly I am, but you’re no longer in your room, nor even on your own world. You see, last night, you died.”
He rubbed his eyes and glared at the woman hovering above him. She was, at least to his eyes, perfect but perfect only in that distinctly artificial way that leaves you feeling more than a little uneasy. She possessed pale, flawless skin, piercing ice blue eyes, and long golden blonde hair shimmering with what looked like actual gold, floating as if weightless. A vision of perfect beauty attainable only with serious airbrushing.
Her clothing, such that it was, shone with pure white light with hints of silver and gold. The bodice of her dress rode uncomfortably low, revealing far more cleavage than he thought appropriate, and the slits in the sides of her diaphanous dress left nothing to the imagination.
The man grumbled to himself, obviously uncomfortable.
“Oh, yeah? Well, if I’m dead, then you must be Saint Peter ready to judge my soul. Funny though, I don’t see any pearly gates around here.”
Her tittering laughter echoed in the off-white emptiness of the space that he now noticed surrounding him. Though he could clearly see that he was somewhere, it didn’t actually feel like he was anywhere in particular. The featureless space went on forever but also didn’t seem to go anywhere at all. There were no words he could find to describe it, as if it didn’t actually exist in what he’d consider reality. This was either a weird dream or… well, maybe he actually had died.
“Oh, don’t be so silly! Do I look like a ‘Peter’ to you?” she giggled. “No, I am Teelia, the goddess of this world.”
“Goddess, eh? Nah. I don’t believe in you,” the man bowed his head. “Hallowed Father, who lives in heaven…”
“Rude! I’m right here, and you’re just going to ignore me to talk to someone else? That’s just… You’re… Ugh! Rude! So, so rude!”
“Fine then. You don’t like me, I don’t believe in you, so just send me on my way.”
“Well, I never! Most people would jump at the chance to be reborn as a Hero after they die! But here you are just being a petulant child!”
“Lady, I don’t know what you are, but I only believe in one God. You ain’t him. For all I know, you’re some temptress of a demon trying to screw me over. So, assuming I really am dead, just shove off and let me get on to my final reward.”
Teelia sighed and floated to the ground in a slump.
“I… can’t actually send you back. I don’t have that power. I didn’t even choose to bring you here. My world needs a Hero, and you… Well, you showed up. We’re stuck with each other. I could just let you remain dead, I suppose, but you’ll end up going to my world’s afterlife, not yours. Probably… I think.”
“Uh huh. Sure,” he groaned before letting the awkward silence stretch as she sulked.
He tried, and failed, to rub away the stress and annoyance building like an ice pick behind his eyes before releasing what he could in a long sigh.
“Alright, let’s say you’re telling the truth. Theoretically, where do we go from here?”
“Oh! That’s easy!” She perked up. “I will just read over your history and let The System figure out your stats and what powers would best suit you! Then you’ll be reincarnated into my world as the Hero with a suite of heroic powers and abilities. I guess you could refuse, but then Darkness will cover the land, my world will fall, and all who live will be condemned.”
He just rolled his eyes and snapped, “Well, get on with it then!”
“Ahem. Let’s see,” Teelia muttered as a blue, semi-transparent rectangle appeared floating in the air in front of her. “Joseph Lamentation Walker? That’s an… interesting name. Eighty-four years old, a bit older than most reincarnated heroes. Oh! It says here that you were a priest! That’s excellent! The ability to channel divine magic should already be second nature to you!”
“Don’t believe in magic. That’s a sin.”
“What?”
“Magic. It’s a sin.”
“How? How can you be a priest and believe divine magic is a sin?! That’s… that… I… Are you mad?! How does that even work?! How can you cast aside divine blessings and still be a priest? It makes no sense!”
“Eh, I’ve always believed as the book tells us. Miracles are from God. Magic is evil, the domain of the adversary, a temptation to try to assert your own will on the laws of nature in defiance of the will of God. Priests don’t use magic. You want a miracle? You wait on God.”
“Your world is stupid.” The vein in her forehead began to throb as the goddess continued through gritted teeth. “So, Father Joseph Lamentation Walker. Hmmm. Two doctorates in theological studies, one medical doctorate… I’m assuming a doctorate is a specific level of education on your world.”
“That’s correct. It’s the highest level of education typically available in a field of study, after which you’re usually expected to do your own research to expand the field of study and publish your findings to share with…”
“Great! Okay! I understand. Moving on!” she interrupted. “So, three would be a significant number, I suppose. It says you also spent 10 years in poor and war torn parts of the world providing free medical and spiritual services. That’s impressive, especially for one who eschews magic. Not sure how you could provide anything useful or would even survive that.”
Father Walker shrugged, “It wasn’t that bad, really. No creature comforts to speak of, but the people were friendly and welcoming for the most part. I quite enjoyed missions work.”
“Hmph. Never married, which seems a bit odd. Marriage is pretty important, after all!”
“Vow of celibacy.”
“No. I just can’t… Nope. This is too ridiculous.”
“Are you mocking my vows now?”
“Continuing on! Personal interests include reading, which isn’t unexpected with that much education. Let’s see. You ran a role-playing campaign through university? What is a…? Oh, I see. Interesting that you would think magic to be a sin and yet play games with magic as a major part of them.”
“There’s actually an interesting debate on that one. If you’d like, we could discuss…”
“Nope! Thank you, no. Just… no. Next… What is ‘anime’? Ah, a form of visual entertainment. Isekai? What?! You’re already familiar with this whole process! You should know how this works! Why are you being so resistant to it?”
“I suppose so,” he shrugged. “It’s pure fiction though, nothing more than an entertaining story.”
“Obviously that’s wrong.”
“I’m not convinced.”
Teelia rubbed her temples and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting off her own impending migraine.
“Okay, so, I’m just going to skip the rest.” She dismissed the screen with a jab hard enough to crack a nail. “We’re going straight to the end. This is a formality, but it must be said for The System to work. You can say no, but I don’t actually know what will happen. Nobody has ever rejected the offer before.”
“Get on with it then.”
Sparkles of lights bloomed into existence around Teelia as an angelic choir sang softly in the background. The air grew thick with the weight of something dreadfully important as Teelia took a deep breath and visibly tried to calm herself.
“You, Joseph Lamentation Walker, have been chosen to become the Hero of this world, reborn to fight the Darkness that seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. Will you stand with us against evil and save those who would otherwise be condemned to suffer?”
“Sure,” he grunted. “Don’t see that I have much choice, really.”
“Good enough! Welcome, Hero, to your new life!”
A beam of light enveloped Father Walker, blinding him momentarily. When it faded, he found himself standing in an open field, nothing but shin-high grass around him, a blue sky with wispy clouds floating peacefully high above.
Looking down at himself, he found that he really had been reincarnated. Gone were the aches and pains of old age, the wrinkles, the intestinal discomfort. He’d need to find a mirror to get a good look at his face, but he felt like he was twenty again.
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Without warning, a bright pink rectangle appeared, obscuring his vision.
Darkness threatens the world, and you have been chosen by the goddess Teelia as her champion to fight back, bringing Light and Love to the world!
Forge relationships with beautiful women and add them to your harem to unlock their powers to aid you in your quest!
You have been granted access to the Love Master System!
“Oh, Lord. I’ve died and gone to Hell.”